Ever wondered why some people are always happy and content! Why do they have all the answers and why are they totally unflustered no matter what happened around. Unable to fathom it we almost immediately end up labeling them to be “Zen-like’ or just brush it off by saying they are lucky not to be running on the hamster wheel, or just plain blessed with nothing to worry about.
I was one of those too, always wondering what does it take to enjoy the simple things in life, like just sitting and enjoying a cup of tea, walking on the grass feeling the dew, closing my eyes and listening to the birds chirping, or just feel the breeze on my face. Be thankful for the countless things I was blessed with.
In this quest to find myself, I tried everything rather desperately to break this cycle of meaninglessness. I meditated, exercised, did yoga, walked in the park, listened to music and read books but I always ended up with the same emptiness & an additional worry of ‘Why am I unable to find peace despite trying it all?’. Putting my trained and practical mind to ease was turning out to be a daunting task. But, I wasn’t the one who gave up so easily… I sedulously stuck to my pursuit.
One day while reading a book I came across a term called “Aatman”. I was intrigued in the subject and wanted to know more about it.
Wikipedia defines it as –‘the core of every person’s self is not the body, nor the mind, nor the ego, but Ātman is “Soul” or “Self”. Atman is the spiritual essence in all creatures, their real innermost essential being.
In Buddhism, the concept of Atman is the prime consequence of ignorance, – itself the cause of all misery- the foundation of Samsara itself.
It all sounds profound but holds no meaning to people like you and me who are driven by our egos or trying to get over the obstacles that life throws at us on a daily basis. But I was determined to find the Holy Grail and I persisted!
There’s a saying “When the student is ready the Teacher appears” it held true for me. When I was just about to succumb to my doubts and fear of the never-ending misery of nothingness that I chance booked myself a ticket towards the journey of searching my soul through a workshop!
My tryst with this workshop helped me vocalize and realize things that had existed in plain sight but I was afraid or unwilling to acknowledge.
My search let me realize a couple of things!
Pause for a minute: It taught me to break the non-stop chatter of my conscious mind. I realized that my conscious mind was just a functional organ, a watchman who has over a period of time started to behave like an owner who ruled over me and my thoughts. It was time to put this watchman back in his place. Time for mind…no, inner peace over matter.
Let Go: I used to panic constantly with the unending ‘Oh what ifs”- What if, I find heavy traffic, what if, I am not able to finish this work before 6? what if, I don’t get a hike this time? I realized to add a ‘So’ before my question – “So, what if, I don’t get home on time” Let me enjoy the music a little longer, I reach home on time most days! I reached home anyway.
Breathe Now: Is there a good or bad way of breathing too you might ask, I would have to say ‘every breath counts’ and I do it very consciously now. I consider the same to be music to my ears. Whenever I feel stressed, I concentrate on my breath and calm myself to listen to my breath. It‘s my way of connecting and assure myself that ‘I am in Control.’ When I breathed I lived.
Experience the power of the Subconscious: You may call it- Intuition, the dormant mind, the auto-pilot, I would like to define it simply as the one that has no ego! I realized it the moment I showed the watchman (my conscious mind as stated above) his place. I realized that there is this untapped power that resides in me which is devoid of any expectations and has apparently introduced me to my ‘Higher Self’, a self that I knew existed but was not sure of what and how to reach it. I tried unleashing its power for the first time during a workshop and it simply unlocked all doors answering my endless questions in the form of loud and clear answers that I could never find anywhere else before. I was a changed person then on. I feel Strong!
Believe: They say, “You become what you think of all day’ but I was never able to truly understand how that worked, but now I exactly knew how that mechanism worked. How to plant a seed and nurture it, I now believe that I am destined for great things. I am the designer of my Life after all! I Believe, I receive!
Tap into the World beyond: I am aware that we are just a small speckle in the vast universe and there’s so much beyond what science offers. One may call it God or Higher power whatever it is I realized that to let go of one’s ego connects you to this superpower, be it through dreams, through messages from the divine, or plain intuition. I believe in the fact for sure that we all come from the same source so connecting to that source should not be difficult if one leaves all the worldly vices behind and let go. It’s like going to your mother with a problem and she assuring you that ‘believe me you’ll find the answer!’ I feel connected!
I am still on the path of slowly peeling the layers of self-doubt, ego, and negativity by replacing them with Hope, Faith & Belief because I know for sure the former is taking me nowhere but with the latter, I am heading somewhere!
I don’t carry on with the promise of getting rid of my existential hiccups but with the assurance that I have a purpose in this world and we can all heal ourselves a little at a time, I now find resurgent hopes of Love, Light, and Positivity.
I think I have found my Light!
Post By: Arathi Ayyangar
Arathi Ayyangar is an artist who loves to infuse aesthetics into the mundane. She specializes in Mosaic art Relief Art. She believes that life is too elegant to be left to destiny to design.
With a riot of colors, she compels her artwork to immediately fill your mind and soul with vigor, vitality, and exuberance. Her work symbolizes serenity and stillness that allows one to connect with the inner mystique called Life. You might wish to fill an empty space on your wall but she would turn your imagination into an exquisite piece of reality an artistic expression that not just fills your space but your heart as well.